Pocket I.C.B.M.
"What's better than one missile...? MORE missiles. Easy, just fire a bunch of the things and reduce whatever you're fighting to a smoldering field of craters. Enemy nation? Missiles. Stupid bird taunting you? Missiles. Family argument going south? That's right - missiles! There's nothing a missile can't do, and what little the missile can't get done, a bunch of them can."
Editor's Note: Hey, um, maybe we should edit this out?
Polylute
Welcome to DataScraper (v3.1.53 – beta branch)
$ Scraping memory... done.
$ Resolving... done.
$ Combing for relevant data... done.
Complete!
I've made a fas---ating discove-y! Deep in this strange -----, I found some carvings on the c--ffs---. It appears to be... music! There's n----ng else -- could be! I'll att-mp- to t-ansc-be it, thou-- the i-terf--nc- may --ddy -- transmissions. Ahem...
d, d, d, a, G. A-e --- g-t-ing this?
Power Elixir
Order: 16 oz. Flask, Healing Potion (Not my Strongest)
Tracking Number: 10******
Estimated Delivery: 12/31/2058
Shipping Method: Priority
Shipping Address: Cargo Bay 10-C, Terminal 504-B, UES Port Trailing Comet
Shipping Details: - Re: Potion seller, I am going into battle. I require your strongest potions.
My potions are too strong for you, buyer. I've instead downgraded you to a weaker brew. My strongest potions would kill a dragon, let alone a man!
Predatory Instincts
Gossip spreads quickly in terrified communities. Stories that keep the more fearful lizardfolk in their passageways. Hushed tales that frighten the most commanding of stone constructs and woodfolk and creatures of the plains. Fear travels between the trees and the valleys.
A demon, fallen from the Sky, mighty enough to slay Providence and his Wurms. Only two arms, two legs - but with 22 unblinking, crimson eyes.
Preon Accumulator
Order: Particle Accelerator Component
Tracking Number: 993******
Estimated Delivery: 06/06/2056
Shipping Method: Volatile
Shipping Address: Advance Particle Research Center, Mesquite, Earth
I still don't get how you keep losing so many accumulators. I build 'em tough, and they're supposed to last. I ran the numbers on the comm speeds, and I'm pretty sure you sent for this order less than two days after you should've got the last one. If this keeps up, you're gonna punch a hole in something where it doesn't belong.
Primordial Cube
“Professors Mia Thatcher and Jared Malik report that the galaxy’s first singularity containment lattice – or SCL, for short – has finished tests and is confirmed to be perfectly safe. While this is a historic scientific breakthrough, multiple scientists have spoken out about the implications of such a discovery - and what it could mean for the future of the humanity.”
- The Saturn Reporter, Front Page Headline
Purity
It looks like starseed, tanning in dirt.
It smells like hot stone, and tall grass.
It tastes like spiced fruit, sweet and hot.
It feels like solar winds, and solar chimes.
It sounds like two brothers, chasing glass frogs in the sun.
Queen's Gland
"Yeah, uh, Kaitlin? Let me know if you copy."
"I copy. What's up?"
"I've made friends? I don't know. "
"What? "
"The giant bug we killed earlier - well, the corpse seemed to attract a bunch of nasties. I was on my way to clean them up when I realized they were... waiting? Confused, maybe. Anyways, I was walking up to them to get rid of em, and strangely enough they seemed passive.
Radar Scanner
Order: Radar Communications Array
Tracking Number: 02****************
Estimated Delivery: 01/14/2056
Shipping Method: Standard
Shipping Address: PO Box 25-B, Fort G.B., Mercury
Shipping Details: You’re asking for trouble, ordering this through the UES. Not very covert. This thing can put out anything from infrared to UV waves – maybe it’ll let you see the Enforcers coming to haul you off to jail as they kick down your door! Hah!
Railgunner
"Snipes aren't real."
"...What?"
"That's the point of a snipe hunt: to send a schmuck off into the woods looking for an animal that doesn't exist."
"...Except they totally exist."
"Haha, sure."
"No, really. They're birds back on Earth. Tiny, camouflaged birds. Ever wonder why we call sharpshooters 'snipers'? Because they're good enough to hit a snipe."
"No kidding?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Huh."
"You know, rails are a kind of bird too.